Everywhere I go, I see girls dieting and purging and hurting themselves. Scowling into mirrors and trying to fit into impossible sized dresses. And what else do I see? A bunch of guys encouraging them to do it because they actually think they deserve someone who tries that hard for them.

I didn’t write or say this, but I don’t have a source for it, sorry.

Never Again: Chapter 5

THIS POST IS THE FIFTH OF A SERIES OF POSTS IN WHICH I DESCRIBE A RELATIONSHIP I HAD WITH AN EMOTIONALLY AND SEXUALLY ABUSIVE MAN. CHAPTER 4 IS HERE AND THE REST OF THE SERIES CAN BE FOUND ON THE STORIES & SERIES PAGE. THANK YOU FOR READING, AND PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE THIS STORY SO THAT OTHERS CAN LEARN FROM MY EXPERIENCES INSTEAD OF NEEDING TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES.

I was getting sicker. Waking up for work was becoming more impossible than the standard Monday blues. My first thought in the morning when I woke up and sat up was routinely, “I’m just too exhausted to get through today,” and I would need to seriously consider whether any of it was worth it at all. When I had to visit clients or sites for work, I would take a nap in my car in a supermarket parking lot afterwards, and tell my manager Angela that there had been traffic on the way back. I was listless, my cheeks becoming hollower by the day, my hair wasn’t growing anymore, my skin was pallid and my lips such a dull pink as to be nearly grey.  It seemed like every food made me sick, so I wasn’t eating. I didn’t know what to eat and I began to become fearful of the negative effects, so I simply abstained.

Continue reading

‘Why Does He DO That?’ is a life-altering book about abuse, and you need to read it

I’m not too shy to admit that I was once in an abusive relationship. I share my story freely because I never want anybody else, man or woman, to experience what I experienced. It breaks my heart to see people in unhealthy relationships, and to see the excuses they make for themselves and their abusers.

Why Does He DO That?: Inside the minds of angry and controlling men  is a 5-star rated book by Lundy Bancroft that changes the lives of abuse victims. Lundy Bancroft is a therapist who has made a career of studying abusive men, and he designed the rehabilitative program for abusers that is implemented worldwide.

The Amazon synopsis:

“He doesn’t mean to hurt me-he just loses control.”
“He can be sweet and gentle.”
“He’s scared me a few times, but he never hurts the children-he’s a great father.”
“He’s had a really hard life…”

Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:

The early warning signs
Nine abusive personality types
How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
The role of drugs and alcohol
What can be fixed, and what can’t
How to leave a relationship safely

And an excerpt for you:

Why does he do that

Don’t ask me for relationship advice because I will always just tell you to break up with them and throw their shit in a dumpster, because I do not understand the concept of allowing anyone to treat you poorly- this is a zero tolerance zone

Source

Virginity can’t be lost because it doesn’t even exist. Try thinking of it all as a natural, normal process of human sexual development that includes many different experiences with ourselves and with partners over time. Good sex takes practice — both alone and with others (Dr Ruth Neustifter)

About rights and desires

“So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.”

– an excerpt from Phaedra Starling’s “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced

If you consider a woman less pure after you’ve touched her, then maybe you should look at your hands

Never Again: Chapter 4

THIS POST IS THE FOURTH OF A SERIES OF POSTS IN WHICH I DESCRIBE A RELATIONSHIP I HAD WITH AN EMOTIONALLY AND SEXUALLY ABUSIVE MAN. CHAPTER 3 IS HERE AND THE REST OF THE SERIES CAN BE FOUND ON THE STORIES & SERIES PAGE. THANK YOU FOR READING, AND PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE THIS STORY SO THAT OTHERS CAN LEARN FROM MY EXPERIENCES INSTEAD OF NEEDING TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES. 

 

My job was boring. I was a staff scientist at an environmental consulting agency, and per the instructions of my overbearing manager, Angela, we used AIM Pro for intraoffice communications. I also used it for personal correspondence.

“What would we name our kids?” Eli asked me one day over instant messenger as I mindlessly entered potential clients’ information into a spreadsheet.

“I don’t know… I could see us having a daughter.”

“I’d love a daughter. But you know I’d be so protective.”

“Not as protective…”

“…as you!”

We both laughed.

He continued, “You’d come home one day and ask where she is, and I’d be like, ‘Um… She was right here,’ and we would go out and see her eating tomatoes in the garden.”

“Who eats plain whole tomatoes?!” I laughed.

“I did! She would get it from me!” he insisted.

“She’d have pigtails.”

“And your green eyes.”

“Green eyes aren’t inherited, they’re a mutation.”

“Whatever. She’d look like you.”

“I like the name Abbie.”

“But hyphenated with something.”

“Yeah…”

Continue reading

Two words, seven letters

The weird thing about the digital era is that you can fall for someone, really fall for them, without ever meeting. Not in an obsessive fan-fic way, but with very deep, true, invested emotion.  Continue reading

Do not make homes out of people. This will leave you homesick and sad, missing arms that cannot hold roofs, hearts with shaky foundations (Michelle K. ‘Home’)

Source