It was not a squirrel

It’s no secret I’m an active Tinderer. Tinderella, if you will. All the new matches and small talk get pretty tiresome after a while, and this week I decided that I would take a new approach.

“I propose that we each get to ask three questions. They can be anything. And then after that, we decide if we want to meet. You in?”

“Definitely. I’ll go first.”

As it turns out, according to OkCupid, there are exactly three questions that indicate if your date has long-term potential. But of course I didn’t learn this until after my little experiment. (There’s always next time!)

After six questions in total, we both agreed we would meet for a drink.

Disappointingly, conversation didn’t quite flow in person. It was a little stilted, with frequent silences during which we both reached for our drinks. We were sitting outside, enjoying the last of the clear summer skies, and the tree branch hanging very close to his chair kept rustling. This was fine with me because every time it did, it gave us a distraction and a new topic of conversation.

The first time the leaves moved, he jumped a little and looked slightly alarmed. I giggled and told him of a recent evening when my room was visited by a moth the size of a sparrow- I’d had a similar reaction.

I suggested it could be a mutant moth in the tree. He pragmatically retorted that it was probably a bird.

The second time the leaves moved, he shared with me an alarming tale of a spider in his house that was too big to fit in a pint glass and always found its way back inside, even when he released it across the street.

The third time the leaves moved, I tried squinting into the shadows of the tree just over his head. I asked, “I forget, is it squirrels or raccoons that you don’t have here in England?”


“Ah, right. Okay, so maybe it’s a squirrel.”

At that moment, the creature shifted just enough for the light to reflect from its eyes.

He recoiled, “That’s not a squirrel.”

It scuttled along the branch over his head, reaching a solitary spot of light and pausing. And I finally saw it.

He stood up and suggested we move indoors.

I followed, remarking, “I didn’t know rats could climb trees.”


One thought on “It was not a squirrel

  1. Pingback: Allow me to introduce… myself. | Hey, Trouble!

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